so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
