I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
