fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
