I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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