my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
sex in a hospital.. check
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
