I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
