no, he came in my armpit
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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