He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
