I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
