I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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