two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Are these your boobs on my camera?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
