Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
