I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
