This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
