I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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