i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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