Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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