actually, I'm a sock model
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
