Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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