am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
