but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
