bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
