Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
