Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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