Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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