I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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