I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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