i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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