But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
