I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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