I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
