I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
