it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
