Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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