Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
