Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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