my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
