you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
