Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
