please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize