How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
