I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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