Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
