we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
