i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
