I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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