Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
