i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
