i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
