All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
This is the prime rib incident all over again
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
They took my balls.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
