apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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