If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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