Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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