I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
