hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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