the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
