Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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