I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
