and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
