Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
