I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
