It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
