Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
