Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize