My balls are so social today.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
