i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
