that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
