I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
