Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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