I'm going to rape someone's good day.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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