At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize