Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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