I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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